0     [ ] i do not care anymore. i have transmogrified myself into iconoclastica. do not bother.

2     pretentious [ ] i have cashed in my pocket money for a "punkulture" shirt. i did not know why but i could not resist the ambience it brought in: pretentiousness. i know i am going to lose a big piece of myself in another two months. so lately i have been engaging myself in childish elements like putting on black lipstick and strangling my neck with a pentagram. i did that years ago for attention. i repeat that now because i am insane for december is coming and knowing that i am going to lose someone is not easily curable.

3     virginity [ ] i typed in the words: "porn star" on my cellphone. but when i found out that i was scared till i cried in bed, i erased the words and recorded: "i hate myself" instead. i saw no blood on the bedsheets. i am all bruised and exhausted, even after 48 hours. i remembered me smoking menthol cigarettes and listening to the dj playing each sad song twice. no regrets because i had fun. i need to record this more daily.

2     [ ] i was a mixed of green and blue. the least he could have done was to ask how i was doing for i was trapped in that building alone while the rain stormed in. but as translucent as ever, he printed: "hey, you know your friend? the one who asked me whether i want to drink? what is her name? and what is her number?" i could have just sent him this: "her name is so and so. have a good drink with your new alcoholic pal." but instead, i switched to the business card button and sent him her number, without any petty rows. i thought he would have a great drinking party with that gorgeous being. but he requested: "are you around? would you like to have a drink with me?" during midnight. i declined. but no one knew the sense of elation inside my heart before i stepped into dreamland.

0     [ ] there is a strong scent of alcohol in this house. hennesy to be precise. it might be hallucination. it might be paranoia. but i really am uncomfortable. you are not here. go away.

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